these are my confessions...

Currently, snow falls outside of my house. The timeline I told the kids at school goes like this: The snow will fall. The snow will melt. The flowers will start to bloom. Then, I will have a baby. Because saying I'm due in May is like speaking another language to them. So, I guess we're getting closer.


I figured since I let the cat out of the bag to some of my students I should probably proclaim it in the blogosphere. I am pregnant.


When I say that I brace myself, always. I don't know why. I don't like to share personal things. Having to go around my center and confess to my coworkers was the most awkward thing I've had to do in ages. It's exciting but so weird. Like announcing to the world that you have copulated. And what, do I expect a medal or something? A pat on the back? It's just weird for me. Plus, there is always the *advice backlash* yikes.

No strangers have touched me yet, but its early. and its a scary thought. being a chubby girl for so many years I already have body image issues so add on random people touching me in my fat place? oyyyy. good thing I no longer carry a purse. (yes, i know its a beautiful miracle and not fat but you didn't just hang up your size 4 jeans and put on elastic pants, did you? ;))

One of my favorite things, dealing with society, so far are the people who don't know whether or not i'm pregnant and how they try to steal looks at my belly. I related to Nick that this was a lot like when my boobs grew significantly in high school, boys trying to take glances without getting caught like... are those real or stuffed?... same kind of situation... is she fat or pregnant?...but mostly its grown women now. LOL. I just want to wear a shirt that says *HUMAN LIFE DEVELOPMENT IN PROGRESS* haha. **I'm not fat, I'm pregnant!!** hahaha. or **hey, you, eyes up here, when you're talkin' to me.**

I keep telling myself, with every bit of advice and knowing sigh or look I receive that this is my pregnancy. It is M-C Tiny, Corky and I and our way of being. Just like fingerprints, no two pregnancies are alike. Smile, nod, move on. As Baz Luhmann wrote in his "Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen" lyrics:

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

and it's why I have buddhist books in which I can refer to patience, kindness, and understanding sitting on my desk. they pair well with my buddha belly. which you are free to stare at. (this was at 17 weeks, i'm currently almost 19 so i'm a smidge rounder)

**PLEASE REMEMBER I AM PREGNANT NOT IGNORANT, GO EASY ON ME**