ebay !! *shakes fist*

it's a good thing I work or I might just spend our life savings on ebay. I forgot how I had to stop ebay-ing about 10 years ago because of my found obsession for WINNING. "I've been outbid?" I would think to myself, "oh no you don't!" At which point I would end up paying exorbitant amounts of money on things like... giant tacky candy dishes shaped like seashells. So I stopped that after I bid crazy amounts on this sundress that was paper thin and about 7 sizes too small.

Recently, with this whole baby thing I thought to myself... i bet i could find *insert muy expensive baby item here* on ebay for waaay cheaper... so I checked it out and I was right.

I spent all day Sunday and Monday obsessively checking my ebay auctions. I even outbid someone in the last 30 seconds *papow!* and won my auction on Sunday. Then, the same thing happened to me Monday. Insanity rushed through me. How dare that person STEAL MY AUCTION (yes, as i had done to some poor soul the day before). I went crazy and bid on the next closest thing, which wasn't even what I really wanted. It was black and green instead of cranberry and khaki and in a world of white cat hair that really makes a difference.

As luck or fate would have it, I lost that auction and won another one with a cranberry item that ended 17 minutes later. I paid for my item and signed off ebay... hopefully for another 10 years.

here's a picture of nearly what my obsessive buy looks like:

pink is my favorite color

Actually, in recent years my favorite color has gotten a little darker, changing from pink to red. Although I still feel some joy in my heart when I see a certain beautiful, perfect shade of pink.

I've heard it said that if you wear a blue garter at your wedding you're guaranteed to have a boy. I wore pink at mine. The seamstress took a little bit of the scraps from Audrey's dress and sewed it into a garter I had purchased. We didn't do the garter toss or anything I just really wanted to have a girl and thought, if it the tale turned out to be true for boys, then maybe it would work for girls.

It did. We're having a girl. :)

Of course I would have been thrilled either way. I can just imagine a little boy running around this joint being all boyish. However, there was a certain exuberance I felt when the ultrasound tech told us that the baby growing inside of me is a girl. Of course she is. It did take awhile for it to be real though. It is still sinking in. I want to shout it from the rooftops:

Watch out world, there's gonna be another Miller girl up in this piece!!
(well, a miller-corcoran girl)

(circa 1987)

Now, let's make bets on how long I can stave off Disney Princess paraphernalia and super frilly pink crap...

these are my confessions...

Currently, snow falls outside of my house. The timeline I told the kids at school goes like this: The snow will fall. The snow will melt. The flowers will start to bloom. Then, I will have a baby. Because saying I'm due in May is like speaking another language to them. So, I guess we're getting closer.


I figured since I let the cat out of the bag to some of my students I should probably proclaim it in the blogosphere. I am pregnant.


When I say that I brace myself, always. I don't know why. I don't like to share personal things. Having to go around my center and confess to my coworkers was the most awkward thing I've had to do in ages. It's exciting but so weird. Like announcing to the world that you have copulated. And what, do I expect a medal or something? A pat on the back? It's just weird for me. Plus, there is always the *advice backlash* yikes.

No strangers have touched me yet, but its early. and its a scary thought. being a chubby girl for so many years I already have body image issues so add on random people touching me in my fat place? oyyyy. good thing I no longer carry a purse. (yes, i know its a beautiful miracle and not fat but you didn't just hang up your size 4 jeans and put on elastic pants, did you? ;))

One of my favorite things, dealing with society, so far are the people who don't know whether or not i'm pregnant and how they try to steal looks at my belly. I related to Nick that this was a lot like when my boobs grew significantly in high school, boys trying to take glances without getting caught like... are those real or stuffed?... same kind of situation... is she fat or pregnant?...but mostly its grown women now. LOL. I just want to wear a shirt that says *HUMAN LIFE DEVELOPMENT IN PROGRESS* haha. **I'm not fat, I'm pregnant!!** hahaha. or **hey, you, eyes up here, when you're talkin' to me.**

I keep telling myself, with every bit of advice and knowing sigh or look I receive that this is my pregnancy. It is M-C Tiny, Corky and I and our way of being. Just like fingerprints, no two pregnancies are alike. Smile, nod, move on. As Baz Luhmann wrote in his "Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen" lyrics:

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

and it's why I have buddhist books in which I can refer to patience, kindness, and understanding sitting on my desk. they pair well with my buddha belly. which you are free to stare at. (this was at 17 weeks, i'm currently almost 19 so i'm a smidge rounder)

**PLEASE REMEMBER I AM PREGNANT NOT IGNORANT, GO EASY ON ME**