...22 pages and then some...

i just printed and collated 25 pieces of paper, the final touch a cool paper clip my friend CDW gave me once. The first part of my paper IS DONE. It turned out to be 22 pages (1 extra page for the title page, 2 for works cited).

isn't it pretty??? (and you can see my well polished toe from my pedi with kami!)


I feel accomplished and I feel like I have so much in front of me...which is daunting and exciting all at once. I can't stop now...

...especially since the BAEYC is beckoning me once again. I wrote my letter of resignation but I still have to finish this term...which has the possibility of an oral presentation...you know, on top of everything else everyone has going on this time of year...

... and I lost 3 days of writing in one fell swoop...thought I had days off that I never had in the first place

but I will persevere and get this done!

yet...part of me doesn't want it to end...when I'm done with this...what's next? I know what's next...HOPEFULLY painting my house if we ever have the closing... and decorating...UNPACKING... but what about all this work...

Gloria Anzaldúa writes, "living in a state of psychic unrest, in a Borderland, is what makes poets write and artists create" ... i'm so afraid if i don't continue on this path i'll never create again... I hadn't in years before I embarked on this...

...oh lord...we'll cross that bridge when we get there, I suppose...

home stretch...part one

Okay ...so, I am on the final editing stages of the first paper. Which really is the whole paper minus one author. Right. 20 pages due next week, all written...now it just needs editing, fine tuning.

We had peer reviews which i was a little nervous about, especially since I really hadn't looked over the paper before I handed it off to another English nerd to read. ;) Lots of positive feedback! One of my reviewers was actually a woman who grew up in China so it was cool for her to read it! She even dug it. Which rocked because there is such a debate over... who may speak for who. As a German/British Isles American Mutt am I allowed to speak on behalf of first generation Americans? This is up for debate but apparently I did okay for my reviewer. :)

I actually feel pretty smart right now. It feels pretty awesome.

Next steps: crazy editing, submit this on Wednesday. CLASS IS DONE! Then get to work on fashioning this into a 30-5 pager to be submitted 6-8.

Random life stuff (i don't have much of one right now but...)::: I'm celebrating my sister's 25th birthday tomorrow! Yay! I found out today I am working the first summer session at the center. No word on a closing date yet. We're hoping by the end of the YEAR! or at least century... but Phil Jordan said May so...

.........HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ADRIANA.........

16

16p/20 16p/30+ both without any editing.

so so beautiful!

i even sat outside while doing some research for an hour or so yesterday!

I was reading Gloria Anzaldúa, an author with roots in both Mexican and American cultures. Her words gave me chills:

"Living in a state of psychic unrest, in a Borderland, is what makes poets write and artists create...

To write, to be a writer, I have to trust and believe in myself as a speaker, as a voice for the images. I ahve to believe that I can communicate with images adn words and taht I can do it well. A lack of belief in my creative self is a lack of belief in my total self and vice versa- I cannot separate my writing from any part of my life. It is all one.

When I write it feels like I'm carving bone. It feels like I'm creating my own face, my own heart -- a Nahuatl concept. My soul makes itself through the creative act. It is constantly remaking and giving birth to itself through my body" (95).


from Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza

a little schizo post

okay i have 10 pages which is FREAKING me out. FREAKING ME OUT! Will i get the 20 I need by next tuesday (4/29)? Will I get the 30 I need for the thesis? Will I ever get to see the friggen sun? It was 72 today, I heard. I was here, typing away so I wouldn't know...

...I am summoning everythign I have to finish 15 pages by the end of tomorrow...I am actually RE-OUTLINING right now, at 130AM.

and I don't want my vacation to end!!

I have liked my quiet space.

...I took 4 bags of old clothes to the drop off today. From my closet. have you ever seen how small my closet is? I had to stop typing after 6 hours but I HAD to accomplish something.

a little commentary about the game today...

Commentary on Opening Ceremony:::

-bawled my eyes out watching bernie play & listening to them chant BER-NIE WILL-YUMS... literally sobbing

-the greats on the field... love it... sad not to see torre...

-pettite is going gray, derek jeter not such a spring chicken anymore...neither am i...

-kelly clarkson has booty... and she's from the SOUTH. why is she singing the nat'l anthem? they couldn't find a true new yorker??

-so glad that a-roid wasn't here to TARNISH the first day of the New Yankee Stadium

-I really thought Derek Jeter was going to use that Babe Ruth bat...I'm thinking, I hope he doesn't BREAK it... I'm so gullible...

-I love that the Yankees know they are a big deal and are saving every bat, ball, and even the "rubbers" on the field!!

-Boomer's sitting in the bleachers. Love that guy. Probably Will and Michelle, if they are home, think I'm nuts I was cheering my head off when they announced him.

-Johnny Damone? Still not a Yankee, still hasn't earned his pinstripes in my book... especially since the first run at the stadium was scored by the Indians because he couldn't catch a fly ball in the outfield. Then, the bases are loaded... hey, Johnny, now's your time for redemption... fly-ed out. Damone...Disappointment...

-GEORGIE!!! FIRST HOME RUN AT YANKEE STADIUM!!! OWOW!!!!

-wah wah wah... unless there is a big rally in this inning (9th, obviously) this is the first home opener lost in 11 seasons... :( BOOOOO!!!! it was also the same year that they did NOT go to the series during that 1996-2000 beautiful dynasty...

- thought they might pull it out there, the last inning when the bases were loaded... too bad...

***ssssssssssssiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh**

i want a do-over!

well, at least I got to see Bernie play CF today!!

braxton hicks

last night we discussed our papers in class. it was supposed to be a 10 minute "informal presenation." i hate speaking infront of people when it comes to literature. its one of those the more you know the more you know you don't know moments. i didn't use my notes, though, cuz no one else did and i am a SHEEP. and I SOUNDED LIKE A SHEEP. like there was sawdust on my tongue. I wanted to die. I wanted to die when I woke up this morning and thought of it.

It was helpful, though. It helped me to redefine what it is I am doing with this. I started off writing about these women and their Künstlerroman (story about an artist's growth to maturity). My prof reminded me of that and all of a sudden I have a fresh start.

This also means the four pages I wrote yesterday are basically scrapped... as I said... if writing your thesis is like giving birth then yesterday was like Braxton Hicks contractions.

Writing for 2 hours today has given me five pages so I think I'm on a roll, people. A delicious tasty kaiser roll...

Off to pause and pay homage to the New Yankee Stadium.

did you know that john phillip souza actually played at the first opening day of the original Yankee Stadium?


(above: Yankee Stadium, Opening Day 1923)

Save the Best for Last...

...Suddenly the Vanessa Williams song "save the best for last" comes into my head. I did go and save the best for last...my research on The Woman Warrior by Maxine Hong Kingston. This book ROCKED my world and continues to.

Right now I am reading research on the female body as the site for cultural interpretation and renewal. The strength of the female body to be both a warrior on the battlefield and a spiritual warrior who derives her strength from self-knowledge.

I was the Brilliant Warrior Goddess long before I read this book. My friend Sarah sent it to me as a birthday present the same semester I had to read it for a class. Although my family roots in the United States of America go deep to the American Revolution, unlike Kingston who was the first generation of her family born here, I still feel some connections. Is it that my family is full of stories of the past as well? Stories of the Hessians and barn fires and a great-grandmother who threw a few plates in her day... Stories that my grandmother has told me my entire life. Has told me over and over and I still never tire of them. They are mine, they are part of my identity. Just as Fu Mu Lan and No Name Woman are part of Kingston's identity.

I get an entire week to immerse myself in the beauty of all of this. I am the luckiest girl in the world.

A parting quote for your enjoyment:::::

"Marriage and childbirth strengthen the swordswoman, who is not a maid like Joan of Arc. . . No husband of mine will say, 'I could have been a drummer but I had to think about the wife and kids. You know how it is.' Nobody supports me at the expense of his own adventure" (48).





Above artwork by Elena CV

Soaring Impulse

The Soaring Impulse

because no matter how many times I feel like I've been punched in the face, i still know my life is beautiful and blessed...


check out his "remember who you are" post. amazing. beautiful.

punches in the face

I seriously feel like I've been punched in the face 72 times in the past six days.

13 people were murdered in my hometown. less than a mile from my house. the place is en route to my job, I pass it everyday. thirteen people massacred. i am still having trouble wrapping my brain around it...

...we are in lock down. take the cots out of the closet in case we need shelter. they thought the gunman was on the loose. i was unsure how i was going to throw myself over 14 children to save them...

i couldn't go home to an empty house, i went to my inlaws. thank god they are retired. they hugged me and let me stay even though they were like an hour late for dinner.

thirteen people no longer exist and their only escape route out was blocked by a car.

so i haven't slept very well. i know my hometown is still safe but thirteen people from my community are dead and, although i didn't know them personally, i am still mourning them...

and we had the children's fair on Saturday which was as much fun as something can be the day following the above events.

Sunday my gma calls to tell me gpa is in the hospital with pneumonia. Pneumonia? I think... He's 79. People who get pneumonia at 79 don't recover...

and monday i had another meeting that had some not so nice moments...

tuesday we had our center inspected by licensing and everyone was stressed to the hilt. Like they were going to take away our license.

and wednesday was the worst day I have had at work since I began. I was actually crying in the bathroom on my lunch break.

but i had an unexpected visitor earlier in the week...and the yankees won their first game today. tomorrow is easter egg coloring day with the grandparents (gpa is out of the hospital) and cocktail day and then I have a week off.

THANK YOU, HP! Cuz truth be told I haven't done much for my thesis since I've been nursing these wounds...

something to chew on...

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful. - Buddha

dreams as reality

I have had this dream, a day dream not one where Andy Pettite tells me I'm brilliant, that one day someone will pay me to do what I love. Sit and write about literary theory. Today that dream is a reality. Okay, its just for a day...and the only reason they're paying me is because I took it as a "personal day" but I'm sitting here writing a response paper and being a "mediator of conversations between texts."

Can I please do this for a living??

PLeASE!??