I learned to make my mind large, as the universe is large, so that there is room for paradoxes. -Maxine Hong Kingston

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par·a·dox [par-uh-doks]
–noun
1. a statement or proposition that seems self-contradictory or absurd but in reality expresses a possible truth.
2. a self-contradictory and false proposition.
3. any person, thing, or situation exhibiting an apparently contradictory nature.
4. an opinion or statement contrary to commonly accepted opinion.
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You may remember Maxine Hong Kingston from my Masters Thesis writing adventures. She came to me this time via my daily early childhood education newsletter. The sight of her name made my heart skip a beat. That same day, on Morning Edition story corps was about a Vietnamese woman and her daughter and the balance of transculturalism. (You can listen to the story of Theresa Nguyen and her daughter, Stephanie here)

It was like giant flags from the Universe. "Continue, continue!" It felt like the Universe was saying. The thought of indulging further into my English studies reminds me of eating a fresh peach beneath my grandma's lilac trees on a hot summer day. It is both delicious and refreshing.

...I wonder where this thought will lead me...

winding down

A few things always tend to happen when summer starts to wind down. Colleges start back which means the SUNY students move back to the Bing. The temperatures start to dip into the 60s for a bit. The wind starts to bring a chill with it. The sun sets earlier. And, inevitably, I have a flip flop blow out. A few years ago it happened at the Walton fair when we went to see Sara Evans. Luckily, this year it just happened at the house.

RIP Black Old Navy Flips, you were good to me for the 4 years we were together. You formed to my feet. You helped me move into my new house. You were always there for me to stand on when I needed you. I will remember you fondly...



rainy day rose


just for fun, a patriotic baby (thanks, aunt audrey, for the onesie!)

one is silver and the other's gold...

There was a song we sang in Girl Scouts (which if you didn't know I was in all the way up through high school). The song went "make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other's gold." I saw some golden oldie friends this week and it turned out to be unbelievably fabulous.

My friend Jodie came to visit from Atlanta this week. I met her back in junior high. She attended elementary school at Floyd Bell, being a Kirkwood kid. C.R. Weeks was my elementary alma mater. This was the last year that there were only 2 elementary schools and no middle school. We were thrown into junior high and we roamed the hall with seniors. I mean, think about it. I was 11 when I started 7th grade and there were "kids" who were 19 in the school. wtf. ...I digress... Jodie and I, though unlikely friends, can get together and pick up where we left off like we just saw each other last week. I love seeing her because she knows me in ways that most people I know now don't...and loves me anyway.

I wish I could put into words how seeing her feels. It's almost like I am reconnecting with a part of myself that probably needs to get dusted off more often. The self who called it like she saw it, and called it loudly and didn't give a rats behind what you thought about that. She knows me enough that when she says "Zoey is beautiful" she immediately adds "and smart, too. I almost forgot the empowerment." ...and i don't feel like she's mocking me. I have a sneaking suspicion, though, that she hopes Z becomes a cheerleader like she was. To which I replied "Jodie! no!" heehee.

And then there is my friend Meg. Meg, as she said with astonishment in herself, has a thirteen year old, an eight year old, and a 4 year old. I have known Meg since time began, by which I mean preschool. Having an infant at the age of 30 is a challenge to my mind. My appreciation for the strength she had to have at the age of 19 is immense. FOR. REAL. Her children are amazing, imaginative and loved. I also have a deep jealousy that at the age of 43 she I will be the one with the teenager and she will be sipping margaritas as she waves to her last child pulling out of the driveway!

Just like with Jodie, I think Meg understands me in a way that only someone who knew you in your formative years could. We were silly junior high kids in love with seniors. We called WAAL when it was the top 40 station during request and dedication hour.

As the Baz Luhrmann song "Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen" goes:

Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should
hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because
the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were
young.

with each passing year this rings with more and more truth.

(p.s. someday i'll write about my love for margorina, but that requires it's own blog post)

with jodie, september 1993. if you look close you can see my mood ring.


with meg, may 1994. flannel. wow.

first day

it's my first official day as a "stay at home mom" -- the other possibilities for me were put to rest after some deliberation. I left my job to be with Z. end of story.

I call this my first official day because, as I was downstairs this morning with Nick making coffee and getting something to eat before the Z awoke I realized that all of my former co-workers were at THEIR official first day of back to school. Namely, the martyr who is basking today in some serious martyrdom as I sit on my bed eating breakfast with a just awake Zoey Mary. It was perfection.

Today I am also officially on a facebook hiatus. I cannot stand it any more. The constant influx of useless information about people who I care enough to keep in touch with but not enough that they are snacking on a PBJ. There was a time, when I was in Ohio and for a couple years after, even where no one but the important people could find me. If I had a feeling I wrote in a journal. If I had something I needed to exclaim to the world I published it in my 'zine...Dandelion Dreams.

I think I'd like to go back to that.

It used to be easy to clean out friends... I moved. The important ones kept in touch or I kept in touch with them. It was an act of love to pick up the phone and dial or write a letter (my Faaaavorite) or even email. Now it's clickclickclick oh, look random girl from 6th grade is sad why don't I cheer her up with some typed words. Then I'm spreading myself thin again and wasting precious alone time I could be using to write here or in a marbled composition notebook.

who knows when I'll go back to fb. the important people will find me... and maybe i'll find my writing voice again...

july turns into august

GrassRoots was hot. and wet. and so we only went for a few hours on Saturday, which was a bizarre change of things. We planned on going Sunday with Z... taking her up to hear Preston Frank, Driftwood and Donna...instead we hung out in PJs til 630pm which is something we hadn't done since her birth!

Monday we had "the talk" - a big one about life and future and finance. I initiated it in a wine haze at G-Roots. "Nick, I don't want to go back to the center." We took a good, long look at what we had to do to make that happen and now we're doing it. Which, in essence, means getting creative. So this should be fun.

The big announcement has been met with an array of emotions ranging from excitement (all the grandparents) to astonishment (my now former boss) to sadness and jealousy. Looking out at the days that stretch before me I am both excited and scared. I'm not a person who will claim that I was born to be a mother. I see nothing wrong with that but it's not me. So I will have to learn to balance and integrate this new role into the ones that I already have. I'm sure this will be like everything else I have embarked on and I'll do it the "kate-way." I just hope I can drown out the remarks and continue to live my own way...our own way...


sleepy baby in her first tie-dye

chase lake

it was fun to share the cabin that my great-grandfather had built in 1938 with my mom, husband, and daughter. what a remarkable place Chase Lake is. "it feels like we've been gone longer than a weekend," Nick said because he felt so rejuvenated.

my great-aunt catharine put it best "all i need are the 3 Ws: woods, water and wind."

What a great weekend we had.

girlie on the porch:




nick doing a little work on the porch:




grammy and zoey by the lake:


sound asleep in the ergo after a hike:

Framily

A few days ago I was reading the blog of one of my favorite environmentalists, Julia Butterfly Hill. She made reference to her "Framily" which she said are her friends-family. "Finally!" I thought to myself, "a much shorter term for what I refer to as my family-of-friends."

Nick and I have been blessed with knowing some pretty amazing people. Of course, our "blood families" are incredible - they have supported us and loved us through thick and thin. As the saying goes, though, you can pick your nose but not your family. You can, however, pick your framily.

It is a wonderful feeling to know that you have created for yourself a little group of people who love you for being you. Who know everything about you and love you just the same - and not because they have to. And vice versa. People who you grow and change around- who you celebrate with and cry with. We are so so lucky to have the people we have in our lives.

The arrival of Zoey, more than anything, has truly revealed to us how important our Framily is. I hope know who you are and that we love you. :)