pink is my favorite color

Actually, in recent years my favorite color has gotten a little darker, changing from pink to red. Although I still feel some joy in my heart when I see a certain beautiful, perfect shade of pink.

I've heard it said that if you wear a blue garter at your wedding you're guaranteed to have a boy. I wore pink at mine. The seamstress took a little bit of the scraps from Audrey's dress and sewed it into a garter I had purchased. We didn't do the garter toss or anything I just really wanted to have a girl and thought, if it the tale turned out to be true for boys, then maybe it would work for girls.

It did. We're having a girl. :)

Of course I would have been thrilled either way. I can just imagine a little boy running around this joint being all boyish. However, there was a certain exuberance I felt when the ultrasound tech told us that the baby growing inside of me is a girl. Of course she is. It did take awhile for it to be real though. It is still sinking in. I want to shout it from the rooftops:

Watch out world, there's gonna be another Miller girl up in this piece!!
(well, a miller-corcoran girl)

(circa 1987)

Now, let's make bets on how long I can stave off Disney Princess paraphernalia and super frilly pink crap...

these are my confessions...

Currently, snow falls outside of my house. The timeline I told the kids at school goes like this: The snow will fall. The snow will melt. The flowers will start to bloom. Then, I will have a baby. Because saying I'm due in May is like speaking another language to them. So, I guess we're getting closer.


I figured since I let the cat out of the bag to some of my students I should probably proclaim it in the blogosphere. I am pregnant.


When I say that I brace myself, always. I don't know why. I don't like to share personal things. Having to go around my center and confess to my coworkers was the most awkward thing I've had to do in ages. It's exciting but so weird. Like announcing to the world that you have copulated. And what, do I expect a medal or something? A pat on the back? It's just weird for me. Plus, there is always the *advice backlash* yikes.

No strangers have touched me yet, but its early. and its a scary thought. being a chubby girl for so many years I already have body image issues so add on random people touching me in my fat place? oyyyy. good thing I no longer carry a purse. (yes, i know its a beautiful miracle and not fat but you didn't just hang up your size 4 jeans and put on elastic pants, did you? ;))

One of my favorite things, dealing with society, so far are the people who don't know whether or not i'm pregnant and how they try to steal looks at my belly. I related to Nick that this was a lot like when my boobs grew significantly in high school, boys trying to take glances without getting caught like... are those real or stuffed?... same kind of situation... is she fat or pregnant?...but mostly its grown women now. LOL. I just want to wear a shirt that says *HUMAN LIFE DEVELOPMENT IN PROGRESS* haha. **I'm not fat, I'm pregnant!!** hahaha. or **hey, you, eyes up here, when you're talkin' to me.**

I keep telling myself, with every bit of advice and knowing sigh or look I receive that this is my pregnancy. It is M-C Tiny, Corky and I and our way of being. Just like fingerprints, no two pregnancies are alike. Smile, nod, move on. As Baz Luhmann wrote in his "Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen" lyrics:

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

and it's why I have buddhist books in which I can refer to patience, kindness, and understanding sitting on my desk. they pair well with my buddha belly. which you are free to stare at. (this was at 17 weeks, i'm currently almost 19 so i'm a smidge rounder)

**PLEASE REMEMBER I AM PREGNANT NOT IGNORANT, GO EASY ON ME**

the original

Here's the original inspiration for Dandelion Dreams:



KMC:8-28-82

surprise gas leak

Today BCC was closed due to a gas leak on campus. Excellent. I have been achy and tired all week and needed a day to chill. By chilling I mean:

Sleeping in.
Completing the rest of my coursework for Infant/Toddler Language & Literacy.
Reorganizing and creating an Excel Worksheet for my recipes.
Hanging with my sick hubs.

It's veteran's day so here's a shout out to the Veterans of the United States Military and their families. May the good One above bless them all and keep them safe.

...block...

I realized I have had a creativity hangover since I finished my thesis. I feel like I'm starting to come out of it, though. I have a pastel drawing showing up in my head and a deep desire to write the second half of my thesis.

I'm dying to get back into some real literature and theory. Sink my teeth into something heavy and gritty and difficult to comprehend. Something with pieces that connect and reconnect in different and weird ways. Lan Cao, I'm talking about you. I'm talking about the second paper on The House on Mango Street. I'm talking about the fiction projects I have begun that I need to sit down with a large piece of paper and map out.

Then I'll be blogging again.

Right now everything is kind of mundane and ordinary. Aside from emails this is the most I have written since my last blog. That saddens me, as I don't think I've ever gone this long without writing SOMETHING!! Maybe I need to go old school with a marble composition notebook, a walkman containing a mixed tape of urge overkill, smashing pumpkins, nirvana and pearl jam, and a coffeehouse...

the roaring twenties

Tonight marks the last night I will spend in my 20s. I only feel slightly nostalgic, mostly wanting a large glass of red wine. I'm pretty sure I opened my 20s with shots of tequila so that shows you how i've grown. My twenties, though slightly foggy, have been full of life. I have felt the exuberance of new love; real, true, genuine love. Real, true and genuine people have entered my life and changed it forever. Rotten people have come and gone, too, leaving little pieces of my heart chipped off but that's part of life. Gives you character.

I have found a career that allows me to "spread the love" even if it means putting myself in danger of communicable diseases. <3

My sister has become more a part of me than ever before. How can you start out closer than close to someone and have that keep growing?

I understand my parents as people and love them. All of them. I don't know how I got to be so lucky...

...and I am so lucky. I am so blessed. My twenties have brought me insane moments, debaucherous moments, but they have brought me the best friends in the UNIVERSE. I look at the mountains I climbed up and down over this decade and know that along the way the HP has given me angels. Nick, of course. I had Betsy and the Pine Lounge while I was at Broome. We drew pictures of Benoh and she ate chicken once, even though she's a vegetarian. HP gave me Arrelaine in State College who walked with me to school everyday and drank many many beverages at the different watering holes of town. Then I moved to Baltimore and there was Emily. Friday nights on my balcony with Emily and a bottle of wine (each) made Baltimore a beautiful place. When I moved home there was my beautiful sister who didn't love wine then Bully Hill can change a girl. Karli came over one night to sit at the picnic table, chat and drink 22s. We've been best friends ever since. And let's not forget the Giglio's who have hosted us more times than I can remember... and love us as unconditionally as anyone. And SFK, who's always up for analyzing something to death, then throwing beer bottles from the balcony for fun.

My twenties have been a wild ride... bring on the next decade!!


to quote Tim McGraw::

Oh my next thirty years, Im gonna watch my weight
Eat a few more salads and not stay up so late
Drink a little lemonade and not so many beers
Maybe Ill remember my next thirty years

My next thirty years will be the best years of my life
Raise a little family and hang out with my wife(Corky)
Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear
Make up for lost time here, in my next thirty years

twilight zone

the 50th anniversary of the twilight zone is this weekend. Apparently, it is also being celebrated at my place of employment... that full moon sunday night isn't helping.


WEEIRD....