101010

i am the cool kid with 101010 as my birthday. zang!

monday morning QB : draft week

MANDIBLES OF DEATH :: my fantasy football team name.

today is fantasy football (ffb) day for me. it's draft week and i've done NO research this summer due to that little bambino who takes up my days.

i have to catch up to Shane who likely has been researching since March of last year.

This year our league is doing a "keeper league." This means we get to keep a player who we (1) drafted last year, (2) was on our team at the end of last season and (3) is ranked lower than 50. I voted yes for the keeper league because I drafted Brett Favre in the 11th round last year and he was ranked #51 as of last Wednesday. Well, this morning that SOB is ranked 50! so no drafting that bast for me! and now I remember how ffb makes me want to puke on a weekly basis. The things which we cannot control no matter how much we prepare. I'm battling this year, though. I went from last place in 2008 to fifth last year. So, here's hoping that this year brings a higher standing yet...

a good motto

artwork by lizzy janssen

I ran across this piece of work today and found it beautiful - both in the artistry itself and the message. To me, it seems a good motto for life.

We live in a society of consumers, of takers. We take and take until there is nothing left. We take of the Earth, of people's good will, of stuff. All too often, I think we are so busy taking that we forget to take time to enjoy what we have, no matter how little of it there is.

The word NEED also stood out to me. There has been a lot of need vs. want talk in our home lately. Interestingly, I signed us up for the "No Impact Week Experiment" through the Sierra Club and the first day (today) is about consumption. If you haven't seen No Impact Man, I highly recommend it. You can get it through netflix both via DVD and Watch Instantly. You can also link to the blog here. It is a little extreme, at times, but it definitely makes you take a look at life and your impact on the environment.

I learned to make my mind large, as the universe is large, so that there is room for paradoxes. -Maxine Hong Kingston

_________________________________________________________________

par·a·dox [par-uh-doks]
–noun
1. a statement or proposition that seems self-contradictory or absurd but in reality expresses a possible truth.
2. a self-contradictory and false proposition.
3. any person, thing, or situation exhibiting an apparently contradictory nature.
4. an opinion or statement contrary to commonly accepted opinion.
_________________________________________________________________

You may remember Maxine Hong Kingston from my Masters Thesis writing adventures. She came to me this time via my daily early childhood education newsletter. The sight of her name made my heart skip a beat. That same day, on Morning Edition story corps was about a Vietnamese woman and her daughter and the balance of transculturalism. (You can listen to the story of Theresa Nguyen and her daughter, Stephanie here)

It was like giant flags from the Universe. "Continue, continue!" It felt like the Universe was saying. The thought of indulging further into my English studies reminds me of eating a fresh peach beneath my grandma's lilac trees on a hot summer day. It is both delicious and refreshing.

...I wonder where this thought will lead me...

winding down

A few things always tend to happen when summer starts to wind down. Colleges start back which means the SUNY students move back to the Bing. The temperatures start to dip into the 60s for a bit. The wind starts to bring a chill with it. The sun sets earlier. And, inevitably, I have a flip flop blow out. A few years ago it happened at the Walton fair when we went to see Sara Evans. Luckily, this year it just happened at the house.

RIP Black Old Navy Flips, you were good to me for the 4 years we were together. You formed to my feet. You helped me move into my new house. You were always there for me to stand on when I needed you. I will remember you fondly...



rainy day rose


just for fun, a patriotic baby (thanks, aunt audrey, for the onesie!)

one is silver and the other's gold...

There was a song we sang in Girl Scouts (which if you didn't know I was in all the way up through high school). The song went "make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other's gold." I saw some golden oldie friends this week and it turned out to be unbelievably fabulous.

My friend Jodie came to visit from Atlanta this week. I met her back in junior high. She attended elementary school at Floyd Bell, being a Kirkwood kid. C.R. Weeks was my elementary alma mater. This was the last year that there were only 2 elementary schools and no middle school. We were thrown into junior high and we roamed the hall with seniors. I mean, think about it. I was 11 when I started 7th grade and there were "kids" who were 19 in the school. wtf. ...I digress... Jodie and I, though unlikely friends, can get together and pick up where we left off like we just saw each other last week. I love seeing her because she knows me in ways that most people I know now don't...and loves me anyway.

I wish I could put into words how seeing her feels. It's almost like I am reconnecting with a part of myself that probably needs to get dusted off more often. The self who called it like she saw it, and called it loudly and didn't give a rats behind what you thought about that. She knows me enough that when she says "Zoey is beautiful" she immediately adds "and smart, too. I almost forgot the empowerment." ...and i don't feel like she's mocking me. I have a sneaking suspicion, though, that she hopes Z becomes a cheerleader like she was. To which I replied "Jodie! no!" heehee.

And then there is my friend Meg. Meg, as she said with astonishment in herself, has a thirteen year old, an eight year old, and a 4 year old. I have known Meg since time began, by which I mean preschool. Having an infant at the age of 30 is a challenge to my mind. My appreciation for the strength she had to have at the age of 19 is immense. FOR. REAL. Her children are amazing, imaginative and loved. I also have a deep jealousy that at the age of 43 she I will be the one with the teenager and she will be sipping margaritas as she waves to her last child pulling out of the driveway!

Just like with Jodie, I think Meg understands me in a way that only someone who knew you in your formative years could. We were silly junior high kids in love with seniors. We called WAAL when it was the top 40 station during request and dedication hour.

As the Baz Luhrmann song "Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen" goes:

Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should
hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because
the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were
young.

with each passing year this rings with more and more truth.

(p.s. someday i'll write about my love for margorina, but that requires it's own blog post)

with jodie, september 1993. if you look close you can see my mood ring.


with meg, may 1994. flannel. wow.

first day

it's my first official day as a "stay at home mom" -- the other possibilities for me were put to rest after some deliberation. I left my job to be with Z. end of story.

I call this my first official day because, as I was downstairs this morning with Nick making coffee and getting something to eat before the Z awoke I realized that all of my former co-workers were at THEIR official first day of back to school. Namely, the martyr who is basking today in some serious martyrdom as I sit on my bed eating breakfast with a just awake Zoey Mary. It was perfection.

Today I am also officially on a facebook hiatus. I cannot stand it any more. The constant influx of useless information about people who I care enough to keep in touch with but not enough that they are snacking on a PBJ. There was a time, when I was in Ohio and for a couple years after, even where no one but the important people could find me. If I had a feeling I wrote in a journal. If I had something I needed to exclaim to the world I published it in my 'zine...Dandelion Dreams.

I think I'd like to go back to that.

It used to be easy to clean out friends... I moved. The important ones kept in touch or I kept in touch with them. It was an act of love to pick up the phone and dial or write a letter (my Faaaavorite) or even email. Now it's clickclickclick oh, look random girl from 6th grade is sad why don't I cheer her up with some typed words. Then I'm spreading myself thin again and wasting precious alone time I could be using to write here or in a marbled composition notebook.

who knows when I'll go back to fb. the important people will find me... and maybe i'll find my writing voice again...

july turns into august

GrassRoots was hot. and wet. and so we only went for a few hours on Saturday, which was a bizarre change of things. We planned on going Sunday with Z... taking her up to hear Preston Frank, Driftwood and Donna...instead we hung out in PJs til 630pm which is something we hadn't done since her birth!

Monday we had "the talk" - a big one about life and future and finance. I initiated it in a wine haze at G-Roots. "Nick, I don't want to go back to the center." We took a good, long look at what we had to do to make that happen and now we're doing it. Which, in essence, means getting creative. So this should be fun.

The big announcement has been met with an array of emotions ranging from excitement (all the grandparents) to astonishment (my now former boss) to sadness and jealousy. Looking out at the days that stretch before me I am both excited and scared. I'm not a person who will claim that I was born to be a mother. I see nothing wrong with that but it's not me. So I will have to learn to balance and integrate this new role into the ones that I already have. I'm sure this will be like everything else I have embarked on and I'll do it the "kate-way." I just hope I can drown out the remarks and continue to live my own way...our own way...


sleepy baby in her first tie-dye

chase lake

it was fun to share the cabin that my great-grandfather had built in 1938 with my mom, husband, and daughter. what a remarkable place Chase Lake is. "it feels like we've been gone longer than a weekend," Nick said because he felt so rejuvenated.

my great-aunt catharine put it best "all i need are the 3 Ws: woods, water and wind."

What a great weekend we had.

girlie on the porch:




nick doing a little work on the porch:




grammy and zoey by the lake:


sound asleep in the ergo after a hike:

Framily

A few days ago I was reading the blog of one of my favorite environmentalists, Julia Butterfly Hill. She made reference to her "Framily" which she said are her friends-family. "Finally!" I thought to myself, "a much shorter term for what I refer to as my family-of-friends."

Nick and I have been blessed with knowing some pretty amazing people. Of course, our "blood families" are incredible - they have supported us and loved us through thick and thin. As the saying goes, though, you can pick your nose but not your family. You can, however, pick your framily.

It is a wonderful feeling to know that you have created for yourself a little group of people who love you for being you. Who know everything about you and love you just the same - and not because they have to. And vice versa. People who you grow and change around- who you celebrate with and cry with. We are so so lucky to have the people we have in our lives.

The arrival of Zoey, more than anything, has truly revealed to us how important our Framily is. I hope know who you are and that we love you. :)

6 weeks

My little girlie has been here for over 6 weeks. We're still getting to know each other but we're getting it down more and more every day.

I went to the doctor for my 6 week check up and i can start exercising again which brings me joy to no end. We were doing about 3 mile walks in the evening about 5 times a week but that's not really targeting what I need it to. Now I feel comfortable getting some core workouts in. I have decided to try some Pilates. A few years ago when i was first getting into yoga I purchased a dvd called "10 minute yoga solutions" which had 5 different ten minute yoga workouts that you could do individually or together. When I looked up Pilates on the netflix watch instantly what appeared but "10 minute Pilates Solutions" - which has the same instructor who is NOT ANNOYING. thank the HP. So hooray for the 10 minute solutions because for the first 4 days of this week that's about the longest name the girlie was taking. Today, though, she's out for the count.

Zoey is smiling more now and has some pretty decent early neck control. She can now see the mobile-y dangling elephant thing in her pack and play and loves to stare at them when I change her CLOTH DIAPER. Oh yeah, we're only 3 days in but the cloth diapering is going well, so far. Baby steps, though. When we went on our walk last night we still put her in a disposable diaper. I don't know what we're worried about... the sposies leaked poop all over the place on Sunday. ALL OVER THE PLACE. So Zoey got her first dunking bath on Sunday. :) It's to be expected, the poop, the lack of naps for days on end. It makes me appreciated contained poop and moments of quiet alone time for me that much more.

We also love to sing and dance in the afternoon. Two woman dance parties, they are! Anytime JBB or Ziggy Marley plays she settles right down. It's pretty dang awesome. My little reggae baby.

On another note, happy birthday to my amazing father-in-law! If every kid in the world had just one grandparent that loved them as much as he loves Zoey the world would be a much different, much better place.

i heart corky

six years ago my adoration for nick and our commitment to love each other forever and ever was recognized by the state of new york and the episcopal church. It was commemorated by a kickin' party that started at the binghamton regency and lasted into the wee hours at the harry l. pub.

my adventures with nick started long before and, god willing, will continue for many years to come.

i hope that someday every couple that decides they will love each other forever and ever will get the opportunity to have their love recognized by the state of new york.

ch-ch-changes

My clothesline last week filled me with a weird amount of joy. The day brought a ton of sunshine and Z's clothes were out on the line all tiny and colorful. Our backyard neighbor yelled to me, "Looks like you've got a baby in the house" and chuckled. So true.

By the looks of the clothesline a lot has changed round these parts. The stark change has been my relationships with everyone and everything. From my relationship with Nick to my relationship with my cat, even with myself. The hardest part about this is that I am normally a "reflector" - needing large quantities of time to examine what is going on and how to digest it, to see how I fit into the latest version of my life. Right now my largest quantities of "alone time" are spent in the shower or washing dishes or trying to put together announcements or just generally catching up. It's not that I didn't expect this, you see, I just hadn't lived it yet.

That's another thing the "wait untils" - I'm not waiting until, I'm trying to live in this moment and figure THIS thing out. When the next thing comes I'll handle that but for now, I'm handling this. I'm sure I can handle anything that comes my way just as generations of women before me have handled it and generations after me will. I'm a very smart woman, you know, quite adaptable with a spectacular partner who is equally as adaptable. As Buddhism believes, everything you need is inside you just have to find ways to access it. Just give me reprieve while I acclimate myself, please.

early literacy

Zoey had about 10 minutes of alert chill time in her pack-n-play the other day so I figured she might like a book to check out. A developmentally appropriate black & white book with bold images, of course. She loved it. It totally captured her attention. I was one proud English major mama!

mama & zoey chillin' in the yard...

...under the maple tree while I read a magazine to her and we discussed how much she might need to have in her college fund in 2028. then she found her toes and our conversation turned to body part identification. Nick roto-tilled the garden. it was a nice evening.





let's see if i can add a video:

television

I'm starting to really like the early show on cbs. I get the last "shift" which when Nick isn't working is from 6-9a. When he is working (which has only been one day) it's 4-7. Each shift is defined by what is on TV, really. Remember when the M-C Lites didn't have cable? There are also two ladies on the early show one of which is a new mom and the other is pregnant. I love looking at the preggers lady and thanking god that I finally have my body back to myself.

Cheers is on from 1-4 which rocks. Cheers was awesome when I was little but it's even better as an adult. Sports Center keeps me informed on both the basketball and hockey finals which I have no interest in. haha, although I am kind of routing for the Celtics in the NBA. Probably because of some nostalgic Larry Bird notion from my past. Don't tell LW, though.

I turn the boob tube off after the early show and turn on the radio. TV is like soda, I keep saying, too much makes you feel yucky. So we listen to pandora and chat with friends. In the afternoon, though, I need a change so I turn on "MTV Hitlist" or a music ondemand channel. I confess, there is a 14 year old girl that lives deep inside of me who still loves music videos. If only Beach MTV with Dan Cortese was still on. *sigh*

here's your zoey fix for the day: (yes, that's mtv hitlist in the back)

rilke

I beg you... to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.
-Rainer Maria Rilke

this was the quote in my daily early childhood education newsletter this morning. i thought it was quite beautiful.

almost as beautiful as this:

Zoey

The moment a child is born,
the mother is also born.
She never existed before.
The woman existed, but the mother, never.
A mother is something absolutely new.
Rajneesh

I ran across this quote in March and thought it was quite a beautiful sentiment.

Zoey Mary was born on May 10, 2010 at 1:16 in the afternoon. She weighed in at 6lbs, 9oz and 19 and a quarter inches. She is strong and beautiful. These are the two sentiments I keep hearing. I love when people tell me how strong she is (really, she's a brut for 5 days old - and these nurses and techs have extensive experience with infants). Of course she is strong, I grew her.

mother's day

no baby yet today. snow, though. we watched it snow as we sat in nezuntoz and ate our breakfast. how odd.

and how 'bout those yankees! they've obliterated the stinkin red sox and i'm hoping for a sweeeeep tonite!!

Feliz cumpleaños, Padre!

Today is my dad's birthday. Yes, a busy week for birthdays. I'll be really surprised if Z doesn't share a birthday with SOMEONE.

Have I ever told you that my dad rocks? He is my hero. He's done so much for my sister and I - taught us how to be strong, independent women. He is our rock. He taught us everything we know about baseball and life, usually while watching the Yankees. That was usually our time to catch up on what was going on, while intermittently cheering/yelling at the players. I guess that's why I love and am so comforted by watching baseball. Though, honestly, I really suck at playing. heehee.